Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Building Strong Family Ties [Part 3]

Being a family

In this hectic society it seems there is little time for simple yet meaningful occasions like dinner with the grandparents or a family reunion. And because we haven't taken the time for such things, the glue that holds families together doesn't hold firm.

It's time to revive some old-fashioned values and build more permanent family ties. It might just save your family.

Let's take for example the old custom of gathering the whole family together on a weekend afternoon for a big meal. If you ever had such wonderful dinners in your family, you can almost taste the delicious meals still. And who could ever forget the fun of playing outside with your cousins and neighborhood children while your parents sat and talked for hours?

If that has been a part of your life you cannot forget it. But why is it gone today? Doesn't anyone care anymore? And why can't you start or reinstate such family get-together customs now? Well, you can.

Of course, if the grandparents live hundreds or thousands of miles away, you can't have dinner together frequently. But if they are nearby, you can certainly make it a fairly regular practice. Even if they are a great distance away, all is not lost.

Another great old-fashioned tradition used to be getting the extended family--the entire family: the brothers and sisters and all the cousins--together once a year or every other year. There is nothing like it.

In today's world, many like in very mobile societies where people move often. Sometimes these moves are hundreds or sometimes thousands of miles. When such moves happen, the children grow up without any sense of stability.

This separating of families has created a whole generation who don't know "who they are." When you grow up under the influence of your parents and your grandparents, there is little doubt of who you are. If you have a quick temper as your grandfather did, you'll know it if you saw him yell at the cow when she kicked over the pail. If you have a fine voice for singing, you well may have inherited it from your grandmother. If you heard her singing lullabies, you will know for sure where you got your voice.

The knowledge of one's family heritage seems to be missing in so many families today. Grandpa may have been forced into early retirement while he still had years of productivity left in him. Perhaps he died prematurely from the lack of purpose and inactivity. Like as not Grandma was put into a rest home to rock away her final years of life in boredom. What a tragedy! And all the time they could have helped so much.

Don't let the opportunity for your children to know and love their grandparents go by. Plan a family reunion as soon as it is practical. If the grandparents are not living, make it a practice to visit the cemetery where they are buried. Tell the children stories about their grandparents and the "good old days.". You'll be surprised at the greater sense of identity it gives them.

Instead of positive traditions, do you know what families in today's society have? Nontraditions. What are nontraditions? Let me give you an example:

The typical Western breakfast. Years ago when societies are mainly agrarian, breakfast was quite an affair. The entire family sat around the table . Mom prepared a hearty meal of cooked cereal, toast from homemade bread, fresh fruit, scrambled eggs and a hamburger patty. Dad outlined the day's chores. That was a tradition.

A nontradition is quite the opposite. Today, Dad probably grouches his way through the morning preparing to fight the traffic jams. He may or may not bolt down a cup of coffee and a piece of toast. Where's Mom? She may have a job of her own and hurries through the blow dryer and hair curlers to be ready for her ride to work.

And the children? Left to themselves, they take the easy way out and gobble down a bowl of pre-sweetened cold cereal. That's breakfast. That's hardly conducive to the kind of bonds that build strong family ties.

And lunch these days is no memorable occasion either. It is usually eaten by each member of the family separately. Dad eats lunch on the job. The children eat lunch at school. And Mon perhaps at home with the babies or at work.

That's what we mean by a non-tradition. Nothing of lasting value comes out of this life-style. There is nothing here to pass on to the next generation. No positive family relationships are built.

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